Clearly, when the husband drinks, hits, home lives — there is something to be ashamed of. And it is better not to be ashamed of, and immediately escape. But sometimes women are shy too good husbands. Hide their goodness from friends and complain about her psychologists.
Shame can be defined as unpleasant feelings due to the fact that your actions do not correspond to the system of values. So, of course, strange to be ashamed that her husband have a beautiful. Or caring. Or gentle… But can beauty be equated to homosexuality. Caring husband to call pussy-whipped and soft and not cloth. And — oops! You have a good reason to shame and disgrace. But still not for myself but for the other (which in itself contradicts the definition of shame).
All this shame is such a difficult topic. Very often it is masked by the fault, which itself may have thousands of reasons. And often in shame transformirovalsya fears. The woman thinks that she is ashamed for her husband, but in reality she is ashamed of oneself in front of parents for their choices, or in front of any internal rule because she “betrays”. Conditional: had to continue the dynasty, and marry the military, but I married an artist. Of course, it is not particularly courageous, he doesn’t even have the right to bear arms — what a shame!
The shame can be many more reasons, and they must be carefully and closely considered in each case. You can not run immediately to a psychologist, ask yourself this question: “Really so important to me that my favorite people do it (looks so)? What threatens me and my family his behavior (the way)?” It may be that non-threatening, and not so important. And then to hell with the shame. But if still unpleasant feeling remains, then it is your psychological problem and your husband. Here are five of the most bizarre causes of female shame, which were found in my practice.
He’s shorter than me
Variations: he’s bald, he’s fat and any other related physical data. But if you lose your hair and gain weight a man could in the process of living together, the growth — final and unchanged by the time the wedding was probably the obvious… And now she wants to go with him to the theater or to the movies, birthday, party, but “forced to withdraw”. Here nepriima installation: will laugh at me. What ridicule? For something that took less than they could? It turns out that the woman is not ashamed of her husband, and is not mastered to raise more. There’s a complex set of attitudes that prevent to enjoy the happiness with your loved one.
He is too beautiful (well maintained)
It’s weird. Usually women hear the accusations that men are slovenly, don’t look after themselves, their dirty nails, barbed beards, worn-out shoes and stretched pants… But there is a downside too common story — a well-groomed man is too shy. And here again I give the same advice: look for a problem in itself. What scares you in this behavior?
In most cases we are talking about the layering of fears and stereotypes. Traditionally, concern about appearance — female trait. If it manifests itself in a man, then he is not manly enough. This means that he will not be able to protect, feed, take out from fire on hands, the woman does not feel secure (and the meaning of marriage she saw this) and trying to find a clear explanation of my concerns. The appearance is very clearly!
He did without complexes
There are some men who are happy to share wifely duties. They look at the shelves in stores (including lingerie), they Lisp of children, and (Oh no!) bought pads and condoms! And in the cart put them over the top products, do not hide…
Here the wife is ashamed of himself, not accepting their nature, their interests and needs. When she sees that the husband does not have such complexes, her shame manifests itself with a vengeance.
He undervalued profession
It’s not about looks, but still about the image as a whole.
Nowadays, especially in big cities, women have many opportunities to meet their ambitions. In some areas, a female head is generally the rule. And the husband behind… he can be a Builder or a driver. Wife can’t tell anyone that she’s so successful, and he is a simple man. Prior to this, even realize that even if there is very little the salary of her husband does not hold, then all the shame. This shame is based on unconscious installation: the male breadwinner. And if the wife made more, so happen that the husband will not be able to provide for his family, can’t protect. Here is heard the voice of the lurking fear. Because if you’re covered, then what is it? And what kind of situation do you see in which he will not be able to protect you?
He consults with me
“Just a rag, and not man.” Like and respect at work, and children get along well, and neighbors, the conflict was resolved but needs the constant support of his wife. Tells her about their problems, asking for advice. A normal person should be unwavering support and to solve it himself.
The funny thing is that those girls terribly offended if a man will start to solve it himself and put them before the fact. What about equality? And how to consult? Shame for the man who advised and needs the support of masks a desire at least sometimes to shift the responsibility to others.
The man who made his own decision, was nice and immediately put everyone in its place is the dream of those who cannot enjoy freedom, who wants to decide for them. And here they nareshal, and you can speak calmly: “You are my whole life ruined”. And it seems in no way to blame.
He’s too caring
The complaint is formulated as “morally the husband is weaker than me.” The man who took the “female” duties — cooking porridge feeds the children, washes the floors and brings the tea to the table working women is perceived as nepomuscene. But if he does not show jealousy and dictates the terms (with whom to meet, what time to come home, when to go to bed), in women’s eyes he is a wimp. Here we are talking about the same archaic fear of women: “can’t protect”. Associative for many strong=tough. There is need to look from whom (which) a woman wants to defend.