Parents whose children had already reached two years of age always say: easier. Kids-two-year-old more contact with them easier to agree, you can think of a lot of collaborative games and entertainment. But all parents have heard about the terrible beast ― the crisis of three years.
This famous crisis comparable in its complexity to the teen and plays an important role in the development of the baby. To quickly understand the essence of the crisis three years, I will say in a nutshell: the child becomes unmanageable. Continuous denial, disobedience, tantrums, willfulness. You can in the morning to go outside with his calm Chad and return home, red with shame for his behavior with a completely unfamiliar to you baby. So, let’s get acquainted: who are the crisis of three years and how do you survive it?
Conventionally called crisis of three years ― a period in the life of the baby, which could begin in two and a half years, and three, and even later. Some of the children he passes more or less unnoticed, while other parents “SNiP off” in full. By the way, noted that the crisis of three years suffer mostly only parents of a child who strongly watch over your child and trying to please him. In a large family where each child born with to understand that he lives in a group and have to “tune out” such problems less.
How to recognize it?
So how to understand: the child is naughty or just because he started the crisis?
The kid always gets in “the pose” and flatly refuses to obey the action of the elders. This is not a standard disobedience, when “do not want”, “I”, namely the unwillingness to do something just because you asked him about it. That is, he may have wanted to go outside, but since you asked, the answer is no. The so-called negativism leads to the fact that any claim is disputed. The baby is called red blue, to do something in spite of you.
The child becomes very stubborn, trying to insist on, even when he doesn’t need anything. You answered “no” to some proposal, for example, the offer of a meal, the kid then stubborn and does not agree to food. Although it may be hungry.
The child sharply turns to the obstinate and svoevolin. He seemed to rebel against the whole way of life in the home and family. He is displeased with you, toys, friends. Little tends to separate from the adult and do everything on their own, separates his identity from the identity of mother, which were formerly strongly associated.
A child may suddenly start to swear bad words, in spite of her mother to stop going on the potty, to quarrel with family. The baby turns into a little despot, and in every way demonstrates his power over parents. Mom needs to lie down with him and do not dare to stand up is, he only wants something specific, he should immediately get a toy that you just thought of it. Ways to show their power of thousands of kids, but they all boil down to, once again become the master of the house, as the period of infancy is, when the whole world revolved around the baby.
All this suggests that the baby is trying to realize his “I” in the people around him. So he rebuilds his relationship with his family, trying to become independent, imitating the behaviour of parents.
Why the crisis arrives?
Biologically so constituted that about three years all in the body of a baby was formed in order to become independent. Now he wants to explore the world and explore the limits of their own possibilities. Now the help and care of parents becomes a nuisance him: you want to own, want their own way.
Hence the often repeated phrase “I myself”, “I want”, “I will.” The personality is formed, separate from their parents, require independence. What is the conflict? And that when this baby is still subconsciously really wants and expects parental love and care, externally strongly denying it. “Love me and keep, but I was separate and independent” ― so I would describe the inner message of stubborn at this age.
Sometimes what parents call crisis basically normal behavior for child of this age. Just moms and dads are not always ready to admit that the baby is growing up and much in a relationship with him should be changed to give more freedom, less to indulge his whims, to designate the bounds of possibility, to be a friend and companion, and a formidable educator with rods. No need to “fight” with him enough to try to understand and accept his behavior, the time adjusting it.
How to fight?
The main thing ― to understand the importance of the crisis: it is not a disease, and the formation of his will, his perspective, his character. As it is important at this point to keep the situation, not become the “enemy” who punishes, not to suppress the identity that emerges in front of you.
Negativism not as scary as he looks: below personality acquired its traits, she must renounce all foreign, imposed. So the child temporarily abandons the parent plants, requests and beliefs.
The stubbornness of the little one consider how the formation of his character and attempt to have an opinion. Said “not hungry” and not eat. Well done, keep it! Eat later, but then don’t be offended if I give you a snack. Another meal ― for dinner only. Don’t humiliate him with phrases like “I told you that you’ll cry and beg”. Be wiser when possible.
Obstinate kid, eternally dissatisfied mother, refuses to play, throwing toys, yelling, fighting? Calm down and let him do what he wants. Let eats the pencil, and you leave the room. Very quickly bored him to stand on his own, and he will come for you, agreeing to the proposed rules. Don’t upset the kid and quietly take him than planned. Less reaction and more calmness and confidence.
You please baby can only be within a reasonable: unlimited freedom of action for the baby can be only harmful. Here is the rule “do what you want, but permitted me framework.” Let’s get him to do what he can and wants to. With something unobtrusive help, gradually expanding the scope of his independent business. It gives confidence, and strengthens his identity.
And how to behave if a child expresses aggression: has the mom bites dad, call names. You have to give him to understand that you are angry that you are dissatisfied. But not turns into a baby and start to argue with his methods. Convey facial expressions, gestures, words that you are offended that makes you feel uncomfortable and sad about his behavior.
Don’t be an ostrich that hides its head in the sand: I will give all that is required, if only behind and not disgrace. Submitting the child a few times, you risk to make him a despot, who voluntarily renounce their power over adults. It is important to distinguish where the present request, and a manifestation of despotism. And explain to your child that his desire, for example, to ride all day on the mother’s neck may not be implemented. Because it hurt once, it is impractical. So no mom guilt is not that it denies this child. But please take a outside a particular toy can be satisfied. To yield in trifles is easier than to deny a child “just in case”, that have not grown too demanding.