Radio host and psychologist anetta Orlova — how to identify PseudoTUBE.
Sometimes when communicating with each other there is a feeling that the relationship has stalled. But to break up with the person you are in a hurry, especially if you know him for a long time and many passed along. And yet there are situations in which it is better to put a fine point on it, no matter what the arguments. Psychologist anetta Orlova told how to understand that friendship came to an end.
1. Communicating with a person, you constantly feel worsens your mood and state. I am in no way saying that if other problems (or have difficulties), it is necessary to disperse, no. We are talking about a situation where a bad mood is a background, a context of a relationship of two people. For example, every time you communicate with your friend, you have reduced self esteem because he consistently and undisguised pleasure tells, like all well things are going, “not what you have”.
2. Friend always shows off, and every time you have to work a certain “ear” and can only admire his achievements. With your help people satisfy their narcissistic needs. Especially often this can be found among women: “I recently flew from nice, so wonderful rest in a luxurious presidential Suite. Imagine, and me a diamond ring presented…” In fact, such stories girlfriend itself hypnotizing. Most likely, there is scope in the relationship, which does not suit her: favorite male married or just does not make specific proposals, it has no stability, etc so ladies would love to be a star, and they give others only that part of life, which they themselves admire. After this communication you feel that the relationship with the husband (man) is not relevant, uninteresting, because it is something you such gifts does not, in vacation on the Maldives doesn’t carry it. Although in reality he may be a lot of other positive qualities.
3. The man gives you aggressive, rigid and dogmatic councils. It is usually characteristic of single people. For example, a divorced friend says every time we meet: “How can you stand it? Expel him out of here!” These people literally “eat” their friends of family first, because they need company, and secondly, it calms them down.
4. A friend uses you exclusively as a psychotherapist. Whenever he calls (or in person), you are forced to constantly be around to support and reassure. Of course, someone will say: “isn’t that what friendship is?” In fact, it is very important the balance in the relationship is necessary not only to give but to take. This is a natural process! Let’s say you begin to talk forever to the suffering other about their problems, and in response to hear: “Yes! I did too”. Such a situation is repeated not once, not twice, but constantly. This suggests that the man takes the focus of attention on himself. He does not care what is happening in your life. In such a situation, you need to be able to say, “I care about you I, too, listened too, supported” or “it’s hard for Me to talk only about the negative. Let’s try to focus on something good.” You need to clearly set your boundaries.
5. Each is constantly trying to control you satisfied jealous of the scene wants you to spend time only with him. Such things are especially pronounced among adolescents, however in adults, this also happens. In fact, it is the seizure of your personal boundaries: “what are You going to the movies? You need only go with me. Why did you go there? And why without me?” This is not friendship, and hypercontrol.
6. A friend pulls you to the bottom, communicating with him is bad for your character. Let’s say a loved one has certain dependencies, it leads to an unhealthy lifestyle. When you are near him, your negative traits begin to become more active. Well, if you are aware of and can time to take action.
7. You have nothing to do with a person, you have nothing to talk about, your interests and values diverge. In this case, do not abruptly discontinue the communication. The easiest way to get out of the situation — is to minimize contact. Do not ignore the person. Just give concise answers, rarely meet. At some point, he’ll understand. But, of course, it’s quite a painful process.
8. The relationship should be interrupted if a friend betrayed you or behaves dishonestly in relation to you. Standard situation: the “best friend” is trying to prove she’s more beautiful, interesting and attractive. To do this, it provokes your partner (husband, young man), trying to get his attention. If she behaves provocatively in your presence, we can only guess what it does when you are not around.
9. Each indirectly provokes conflicts in your family. Feeling that something is not going well on the personal front, he immediately begins to support your partner, to show excessive concern about it. For example: “Why are you so bad feed your husband?” or “Why do you blame him? He’s so wonderful?”. Here we are talking about latent hostility, the desire to prove their superiority over you. Why meet and waste time on such Pseudotsuga?
10. If you turn to man for help, but he’s not ready for you to do anything, always busy, it’s not a friendship. I’m not talking about one or two times, it is clear that the situations are different. I mean the standard response to your problem. Any relationship — it’s a burden you’re ready with someone to share. If you are willing to help, ready to change your plan of action, to invest physically and mentally, and your friend — no, why? Yes, you can contact with them, just don’t waste a lot of time and effort.