psychologist Annette Orlova.
1. We say, “How are you?”
People perceive: Saying this simple phrase, you in the eyes of the interlocutor become insensitive, after all, he had all the time things are not going well. He needs understanding and support, and your “how are you?” creates a huge communication gap, and further normal dialogue will be forgotten.
2. We say: “All is well”.
The person perceives: of Course, these words can be perceived differently. If you are patient, interested in the state, discuss challenges, possible risks, and only in between to say “all is well”, the phrase is treated as support. But don’t use it in a simple response to the patient’s complaints. So you give him to understand that it is not located to talk about him and his problems.
3. We say, “You’ll be fine. Fight. Cheer up”.
People perceive: For a person who is seriously ill, it sounds like the parent order to be strong and not whine. In a difficult situation, your advice to create an additional emotional burden.
The alternative may be: “I see you are struggling, and remembered how you once coped with…”. And then remind the man of his personal experience of overcoming. This technique will really help him to get back in his resource state.
4. We say: “again You feel bad, I’m afraid to you”.
The person perceives: Such words you form, the patient guilt. This adds to his already poor condition.
In fact this phrase has a lot of peers and they all had exactly the same destructive effect: “Well as you can”, “get Sick, stay down and be patient”, “Well I’m tired of this” etc.
5. We say: “You better?”
A person perceives a Dangerous phrase, especially if you regularly treat her to the man, because often seriously ill can not please you optimistic response. In the end, he feels guilty that does not justify someone’s expectations.
Use the following options: “See, this is hard for you. We cope” or “I can see you’re hard and really want to make you feel better”.
6. We say, “If you need help, you just ask.”
People perceive: do Not wait until you have someone about something ask. In such situations, help is always needed. Particularly important personal attention, confidential conversation and let a small, but real steps: from the banal question of “why would you want tasty, you’re a little happy?” to help care for a pet.
7. We say, “You just need to change the treatment regimen, find another doctor, to change our attitude, and all will pass and you’ll be fine”.
The person perceives: of Course, such words often said loved ones because they hurt themselves to understand that the disease is not retreating. They also suffer, they want to regain control over what happens in the family or a family man. But in fact, your recommendations are unlikely to help, especially if the human condition is getting worse every day. Moreover, with this setting the chances to lose contact with the patient.
8. We say, “Oh, this is not difficult”operation
The person perceives: You most unceremoniously devalue the meaning of the other person. Remember, any operation always raises concerns. It is only you may feel that the removal of the breast to make a “simple” and all heal “for a week”.
Use another option: “Yes, this is a difficult procedure, you now hard to decide, but we must go forward, it’s a big step to recovery.”
9. We say, “I would in your place.”
People perceive: Remember, you (fortunately for me) are not on the site of the patient, and thus your words sound like a mockery. Such wording can cause anger, pain, anger and the simple desire to continue the conversation. The same “brilliant” phrase applies — “I understand you perfectly”. If you are healthy, you’ll never understand ill person!
10. We say: “yesterday We walked so beautiful, I wish you were with us.”
People perceive: it is Not necessary to tell when Tselovalnik man about entertainment or his grandiose plans for the future. So you emphasize his terrible condition.
In fact, sometimes it is enough just to be honest a sick person: “I want you to sit, miss you” or even “I don’t know what to say…”. This entitles all participants to be themselves and increases the chances of successful, trust-based conversation.