Domestic disputes often begin with small things: someone someone accidentally touched the bag, fellow “psychologist Maria Merkulova. A normal reaction Natalia Kozhina, Aify Maria,... All furious. Why we become aggressive and what to do with it

FuryDomestic disputes often begin with small things: someone someone accidentally touched the bag, fellow “psychologist Maria Merkulova.

A normal reaction

Natalia Kozhina, Aify Maria, according to news reports, the level of domestic violence is growing in Russia. What is the reason?

Maria Merkulova: Aggression is one of the types of reactions to stressful experiences. For SRF (acute stress reaction) also include motor activity, crying, nervous tremors, a stupor. In fact, this is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances that occur to person. And the so-called abnormal circumstances has recently become more and more. Even ten years ago the situation was completely different. Fast paced life gives us a rest, we sleep less, eat food that is not able to replenish our forces, stand for hours in traffic jams — of course, the body’s resources are depleted, and the person begins to explode over nothing: someone stepped on the foot during rush hour, and he is ready to fight.

But not all such the fast pace of life, agree?

— Of course, but don’t forget about the impact of the media, which create the informational field for millions of people. There is a huge amount of channels, they are competing and trying to become leader through aggressive news. And most people do not feed bread, let me just see something. Let’s say you have problems at work, difficulties in personal life, and here, show a story about a family conflict, where the husband beats his wife. A person with unstable psikyo think that this is normal and that is one way to do it.

— Media do not say that this is normal but, rather, stating a fact of what happened.

— Of course, not talking, but the man may think that all live by this scenario. To the same effect is sometimes lead to some violent movies: if you when you view included in the process and worry produces stress hormone cortisol. Imagine you saw the film, then the crime reports came out on the landing, and then the neighbors find out the relationship. All these events fit together like puzzle games and seem natural. In such circumstances, children grow up with a distorted idea of what is good and what is bad. Let’s see what do modern teenagers: teachers are beaten, bullied each other, etc. 20 years ago if such things happened, it was just isolated cases, but now they are often repeated.

“Rich and happy”

Strong stratification of incomes of the population affects the increased aggressiveness?

— Of course, you’re always looking at a different, better life, and it seems that it is very close, you can too. But when the person tries once, twice, a third, and to achieve the desired goes wrong, he gets angry and aggressive.

Especially a lot of “rich” and “happy” people can be found in social networks, for example, in Instagram. Balanced, adult personality understand that this is just a pretty picture, and not the fact that in real life a person is doing well. But teenagers and psychologically immature people do not realize, and therefore have the potential to experience stress and, as a consequence, to behave aggressively.

Who else is at risk?

— People with unstable nervous system. But here it is necessary to clarify that your reaction to stress is largely dictated by genes, though of course it can be offset by education. Also at risk are people with a syndrome of chronic stress, including the office staff. And people of any other professions whose work is “good” colleagues, unhealthy competition and conflicts. Of course, sooner or later they will be aggressive, perhaps, not only towards others, but towards yourself too.

— A feeling that no one is safe, or am I mistaken?

— Of course, the stress to escape. But the question is not what is happening, and how we cope with the difficult situation. If you have a strong nervous system, you are happy with life, it is unlikely that you will behave aggressively. People over the age of 35 years are less prone to stress, because usually they’ve got a profession, decided with love, their children have already grown up, have established marriage, circle of friends, with whom you feel comfortable, etc. Is more or less a good life. They have no compelling reason to show aggression towards others. But let me draw another picture: a man wakes up every morning with the thought of the hated work, loans, problems with children, etc. he has plenty of reasons to “explode”, and well, if you just will result in a verbal argument with some person, but it may be more tragic development of the situation.

Thank you parents

— What determines the level of aggression?

— There are three factors: genetics, upbringing and environment. If a person lives in the province, which is considered normal to fight wall to wall, the girls drag each other’s hair, of course, he will behave accordingly, otherwise it will be considered a weakling, and he himself will become the target of aggression.

— For example, people have been noticing for a increased aggression, and it lasts not a day or two, but a month or more. What time period suggests that this is not normal?

— If you have more than two months are constantly in an aggressive state, then most likely, something goes wrong and you need to see a specialist. It is very important to understand why you’re upset. Let’s say you are going through a divorce, then here are more or less clear origins, but when in your life at first glance all is well, and every day you want someone to fight is, again, to go to a psychologist.

— Whether to suppress aggression?

— Suppression in principle is harmful, but if you will not suppress his desire, for example, to hit a woman in the subway who stepped on your foot, no good it just will not. So in this issue I would recommend to use common sense and just not to break the law. Aggression, which is not harmful to you and others, has a right to exist, well, I think, swore under his breath, but none was hurt.

— And if to curb the aggression does not work, then where it to put?

— Sometimes banal it is necessary to speak out among his entourage, which you will understand and support, not on the street, shocking strangers. If you know about their aggressiveness, do some Boxing, some martial arts.

I always thought it was some kind of an ineffective way…

— Nothing, look how many girls are now engaged in MMA or other sports. Believe me, it’s for a reason, and it works.

Aggressive contact

— How to respond to the aggression of the stranger?

— With strangers it is better not to enter into aggressive contact — you can’t know for sure what is in his pocket or bag. Maybe there’s a gun, or people will just rush at you with his fists. It is not necessary to respond to provocation, or try to avoid contact or to keep calm. If you do answer, be aware that the aggressor may be stronger than you to either be mentally ill, then demand from him no will not.

The typical situation is: in the transport of some aggressive passenger you pushed, but you are on edge. Except in this situation, to remain silent, to remain calm?

— If you want the answer as much as you want. But just your problem it will not solve, will not be easier. I repeat: aggression doesn’t simply appear in reaction to some circumstances. When you are constantly annoyed, you get annoyed, want someone to do bad, it means something in your life goes wrong. Harmonious people will not throw others with fists and obscenities. Aggression to abnormal circumstances can be explained, but if all is well, and you want to yell at someone or hit it to the norm is irrelevant.

— What helps to cope with stress and aggression?

Often support can be a family, children. A family man is usually more stable and easier to cope with stress. Healthy lifestyle, exercise, proper diet, sufficient rest and good sleep is also a great way. Let me remind you that men should sleep at least 7-8 hours, 8-9. Lack of proper sleep will absolutely boost your aggressiveness. Also need regular vacations every three months, the person has to change the situation for their own health. If you don’t have the time to relax, go at least for a weekend, be distracted from the usual routine of life. And still get the vitamins, for example, all known fish oil, fills the lack of sunlight and don’t forget about Hobbies.

  • And nothing can be done! Does that run to “hose” or “pig squeal”, as someone more acceptable. Because we get annoyed only when nothing can be done, when possible, to do anything, you just have to do it all. Since childhood I was told “pull yourself together”, but for some reason not explained that it is in hand and where to take them. We now live in a time when negativity pours on us, as of “horns of plenty”. Every day when turn on the TV or open a newspaper, learn about the latest villainy of the government at every trip to the store we are waiting for a nasty surprise, because prices are already rising almost every day, once (I remember those days), we annually have announced another price reduction. Well, moved to the village, all the vegetables and fruits from his garden, like an idyll, but our “valiant” government and then got ready for the bill, when the owner of the garden, larger than 2 acres will be considered an individual entrepreneur with all the ensuing consequences (taxes, cashier, etc., etc., etc.). Raising the retirement age, “gosden… approved in the first reading,” I do not care, this is my sixth year in retirement, but the children and grandchildren feel sorry for, they are up to pension will not live. Although current pensioners will not relax, “increase”, the size of an average of 1,000 “wood” is only promised, and prices have soared. To how we get it, inflation it “safely” eat and we’ll stay with one fat nothing. And now explain, what hands take? The current working you can go to “gray” or even “black” the salary and to defer these, the notorious 13%, translating into a reliable currency, and store them in a Bank three-LITER, because the credibility of the Russian state is long gone. There are other reasons for irritation. And hands which should take way.
  • nik1953: what are you talking about – not live! Three to five years will increase only. You’ve seen the gardens, living outside the city? Whose ass sticking out? People well over 60 and they are under the rain and the sun, digging in the ground, and you her grandchildren at this age to be buried together? This nagging just leads to stress for ever dissatisfied grumbling, “dreams” about the death of grandchildren not surviving to retirement, prices… do Not watch TV, if you have a weak mind.

      Michael Vinh: I Totally agree. TV include channels on the tranquil – Culture, national Geographic,paramount Comedy. Sometimes the TVC – they have the old series are. But transmission of the type “Wild money” or “thieves in law” do not look. News almost do not watch. Yesterday, my son said that the Volgograd stadium washed away. I do not know))
      In the shops – Yes, prices are rising. But worrying about it makes no sense.


    Of course the interesting question is where the aggression and Yes it is called environment, for example, gedeutet Spring proposed a bill, but when the monsters react and engage in a quiet struggle with the proposals of this project. Perhaps the Deputy is not that proper, and perhaps necessary action, but an odd reaction, for example of the Tver Beeline or Telecom. Spend Internet payment and cash check no longer Your subscriber number, how to monitor where Your hard-earned money, and they have naturally gone into Your subscriber account. And then, they save the amount of information stored, and You wait for the day that You have blocked the Internet.

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