You haven’t seen a child for a month! Maybe more. And finally the long-awaited meeting! How quickly it has grown, grown up – not out! That’s just the way he behaves, you don’t like it…
Well, you’re cool!
Most often, to swear, to smoke, adolescents begin to assert themselves in order to appear older. Here it is appropriate to have a serious talk with the offspring about how it can be true adulthood. And what is it – not in words but in deeds. If it was just a game which are not backed by any protest, it is likely that the wrong words will leave from the lexicon of a teenager themselves. And with them, and challenging behavior. The young man quickly, and most can’t take it anymore as soon as he realizes that nobody in the entourage do not appreciate its “coolness.”
Start in independent life. How to understand whether the child is at camp?
Also ulterior motives of the bad behavior of a teenager may be a protest against parental oppression or, conversely, the desire to attract attention. And painful self-doubt. In all these cases, the child needs not condemnation but help.
How to fix it?
If your child was not happy about, try to begin not with him but with yourself.
Spend more time and attention. But attention is not formal, but sincere. It is necessary for all children, but teenagers especially. It should not be the usual talk-forwarding during commercial breaks, and concerned conversation eye to eye. Do what you like both: glue model airplanes, go to the movies, to the gym. Old recipe for education is always relevant: “children Spend twice less money and twice the time.”
Reduce the number of bans. And those who choose to leave, must be justified. No directives! Adolescent must clearly and convincingly explain why he is not allowed this or that. Excessive parental strictness harmful as well as a full children’s permissiveness. It is no coincidence that difficult children are most often found in families where the word “no” occurs either too often or almost never. So be firm and consistent, but do not forget the following paragraph.
Show some respect. Psychologists from the University of Virginia once conducted a study among a hundred teenagers of 13-14 years. The children were divided into groups depending on how their parents reacted to the controversy with them. Mom and dad-“Democrats” calm attitude to teenage rebellion and respectful dissent, and the “autocrats” were trying to impose their views. After two years, psychologists have observed how the lives of these Teens. Was among the first group was much less drugs and alcohol than for the second. Moreover, the students, educated parents, respecting their opinion, were more active and independent, able to say no and 40% less likely to fall under the bad influence of peers. Make your own conclusions.
Be fair. Tell children that drinking, Smoking and foul language is bad, and to read books well? So be kind enough to match his words. Because parental example – the main force of education.
Be friendly. Do not scold children, and their bad deeds. And do it quietly, without shouting and, of course, without humiliation. Do not cease to praise children for good behavior and successes. Constant positive emotional replenishment in adolescence is a great thing. Then even the most obstinate teenagers will try to do good. Oh, and to tell the child to his misdeeds it is necessary, when you are alone with him, but to praise can and should be the people.